When you’re a fresh engineering graduate who’s about to start work soon, you’ll feel a little anxious about meeting the people you’ll be working with the next few months (or years). It’s understandable. You’re young and you want the people in the company to be impressed with your work ethics and performance. So as soon as you’d get acquainted with your new colleagues, you’ll put on your most cheerful smile and shake your hands with them.
Your need to please people becomes more obvious as soon as you start work. When someone asks you to do work for them, you’d immediately say yes. Until someone starts to abuse your kindness. Someone starts to assign you with an incredible amount of work because he/she knows you could never say no to it. You’re a people pleaser and it’s not going to do you any good.
Not only does pleasing others harm your career, there’s also a study that shows that people don’t like people pleasers as well. Christine Carter is a happiness expert and author and shares in a recent post in the Greater Good Science Center:
“Say you are at work, and you’re doing your best to put on a happy face even though your home life is feeling shaky. You may not want to reveal to your work friends that you and your significant other had a major fight over the weekend, but if you pretend that you are okay–and you’re not–you’ll probably make the people around you feel worse, too. Why?
We humans aren’t actually very good at hiding how we are feeling. We exhibit micro-expressions that the people we are with might not know they are registering but that trigger mirror neurons–so a little part of their brain thinks that they are feeling our negative feelings. So trying to suppress negative emotions when we are talking with someone–like when we don’t want to trouble someone else with our own distress–actually increases stress levels of both people more than if we had shared our distress in the first place.”
In short, it’s not only stressing you out, but pleasing people also affects the attitude of your colleagues toward you negatively. Being too nice just to make people like you will backfire eventually. In the engineering work field, one must learn how to work well with other engineers but it doesn’t mean a young engineer must always be nice to everyone.
So it’s okay to say no every now and then to your colleagues. It’s okay if you don’t have to please them. You do what’s right for you and what’s right for the work at hand.
|Inc. Southeast Asia|
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