Hi! I’m Richard, a third year engineering student from Manila, Philippines. And I have realized that I hate engineering and yet I am still in engineering school. Let me tell you my story.
When I was about to graduate in high school, I was looking forward to take the Accountancy course in college. Mostly because I have been told that I am good with numbers, which I recognize. Numbers excite my mind more than anything else.
I asked around colleagues who are accountancy students to know if it is the best fit for me considering my math skills. They agree. I also searched about the career I was going to pursue and I envisioned myself successful in that path. I was already convinced that I will become an accountant.
Until my mom and my dad suggested that I take a course in engineering instead. Both wanted to have a son that is a chemical engineer.
While my parents think that I am most inclined in math, what they fail to realize is that science is one of my weak subjects. Almost all of my science subjects in high school – especially chemistry, oh god – just confused me.
I admit I am not best in setting ambitions so I usually just go with the flow. And I have a problem communicating with my mom and my dad. All those factors led to my parents dictating me to take chemical engineering instead of accountancy.
So I enrolled, with a heavy heart, for a chemical engineering course in one of the premier engineering schools in Manila. My first semester in engineering school shocked me.
Having the least interest in sciences and getting science subjects that early, I knew that I was doomed to fail. I got physics and chemistry classes in my first semester. I felt the world’s weight on my shoulders with these subjects – I can’t emphasize it enough that I do not like science. And yet I am here, a chemical engineering student. Oh, life.
But I was trained to survive in my academics. Back in high school, I learned how to pass subjects even when I despise the subjects. I have used that skill until now. No matter how I say that I do not like science, I make sure that I pass, to the very least, the science subjects that I take.
I have only recently gathered upon myself that I can take any course and finish it. But the question stays, “Is this what I really want to do for the rest of my life?”
Time flew fast for me in engineering school. I did not notice that I was already on my way finishing my third year this semester. It was a difficult journey for me but damn, even I could not believe that I made it this far.
Now I have become mature enough and reached this stage in engineering school to question if I am made for this course, or if I want to become a chemical engineer. My answer is no, and I’m just living with it. That answer begs, “Then why am I still here?”
Recently I was in a class, my mind wandered from the teacher’s discussion. I looked at my classmates and thought about what keeps them to stay there. We’ve already lost a few who gave up and shifted courses, but I really wondered how we made it this far.
Perhaps they really want to become chemical engineers. They will do whatever it takes to get to the finish line. But I don’t – I actually never ambitioned to finish this course anyway because I was just forced into it.
I already want out before I could no longer reverse the damage, even when I thought it’s already too late.
However, I’m thinking about how big of a disappointment I will become to my parents for not fulfilling their dream. I love them and I never want to fail them. I have not discussed this matter with them as of writing as I am yet to be sure about making the shift.
Plus, I am going to start all the way from the beginning if I do make the jump. Damn. I’m not sure I want that.
So… should I just keep going? Help.