I have so much respect for my parents. Growing up, I’ve seen them work hard just so they could provide me a future where I don’t have to beg for money. They taught me the value of independence and commitment to whatever task is given to me. They know the importance of a good education so they enrolled me in classes that would help me love Math and Science more. They pushed me to study harder so that I would qualify for the best science high school in the country. When I did, they pressured me to be number one in our class. I was until I became mentally exhausted to maintain my grades.
My parents were forgiving but I knew they were disappointed of me. They knew that I could have done better with my grades so I told myself that I would enroll in their dream college for me. I wanted them to be proud of me again so I decided I will pursue the course they always wanted for me: engineering.
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I thought it was a decision I will be fine with later on. My mother was there during enrollment and she helped me get through it despite my fear of being in a crowded place. I saw how my parents were excited for me back then. I remember talking to my father on the phone and he kept asking me what I needed in class and reminded me to pray that I survive engineering. My mother was also nervous for me given that I had to be away from her again.
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My parents lived far away from my college. I had to resort to making plenty of new friends so that I wouldn’t miss home. Eventually, I found myself really enjoying the “college” experience. I was learning new experiences and despite my shy personality, I was able to join several organizations where members share my passion for so many things. My grades were okay during the first two years but I really wasn’t happy with what I was studying. I knew my passion wasn’t in engineering yet I tried to pursue it still.
It wasn’t until I was exposed to business, arts and writing that I wanted to quit engineering school. I just knew right there and then that I could never be happy with an engineering career. So, when I told my parents about my plans to shift to a different course, all I got were disappointed responses. My mother told me that she wouldn’t let me – no financial support will be given if I didn’t finish engineering school. My father didn’t really tell me to stop but he kept asking me “Where did I go wrong? I thought we wanted the same thing for your future.”
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Of course, seeing my parents being heartbroken over my honesty – that I never wanted to be that engineer they wanted me to be – also broke my heart. It took a lot of weeks of pleading and convincing them that I would shift out and pursue what I really wanted. But my parents were also firm with their decision that I should be an engineer that I really had no say in the matter.
So I stayed in engineering school even if I was miserable. I stayed there even if my grades weren’t something I could be proud of. I stayed because I didn’t want to see my parents’ dream crushed. I stayed because I wasn’t ready to live without their financial support yet. I know I wasn’t happy but I managed to make it through one semester after another. It took a lot of stress, anxiety and crying just so I could survive something that I wasn’t even happy to be on. Though I have to admit, it really took me a while to graduate.
A year after my graduation, I finally got the engineering license my parents wanted me to have. I’m finally an engineer. I know I made my parents happy but I told myself this time, I’ll finally be able to focus on what I want for myself. I told myself that maybe I’d be able to pursue my dreams. Maybe.
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So here I am, an engineer who doesn’t know what to do with my engineering degree.
