I was the kind of student who never stood out in class. I never got the highest scores in any exam and I never became a teacher’s pet. In all my years in engineering school, I have never been approached by classmates to ask for help in any homework, recitation in class and projects. I was just a normal student who goes to school without people expecting a lot from me.
People underestimated my capabilities. They never really thought I would make it and graduate with an engineering degree. Professors doubted me and I had a feeling they were just waiting for me to quit the degree program I was on. Maybe, they thought I just wasn’t meant to be an engineer. I remember having a professor who constantly reminded us that if we had a hard time in his class, we should consider shifting to an easier course. And I swear he looked at me whenever he said it.
Sure I had trouble understanding the concepts when they’re introduced the first time. Sure I had to constantly ask my classmates the meaning behind the answers in the problem set. And yes, I was always the one who had the lowest grade in exams.
One exam after another, I could feel people judging me. Why am I in engineering? Why do I have to do things that I’m clearly not good at? So many questions from people who just wanted to kick me out of the program.
But after six years in engineering school, I finally got what I’ve been yearning for ever since I stepped out of high school. I eventually got the engineering degree I’ve always wanted. After so many breakdowns, anxiety attacks and moments when I almost gave up, I proved to all the people who doubted me that I can make it.
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I admit that I almost gave in to what people told me – to give up and shift out. I admit that I have always thought that life would have been easier for me if I transferred to an easier degree. I almost let the doubters win.
So here’s my message to everyone who never believed in me:
Thank you for expressing your doubts that I could make it in engineering school. Thank you for constantly pulling me down whenever you had the opportunity to do so. Thank you for almost making me believe that I could never achieve my dream of graduating in college. Thank you constantly making me feel that I will never be good enough and that I will never be as smart as my classmates.
You made me realize that the world is always going to tough but if you work hard for something, you may eventually get what you want. It’s what happened to me. For all those times when I had been told to consider shifting out, I always made an effort to do better in class. For the moments when I felt inferior to my classmates who underestimated me, I was lucky enough to have friends who supported me even if things almost looked hopeless.
To the people who doubted I’ll be an engineer, I am grateful for all the harsh words you’ve said to me. You helped me be strong. You motivated me to study harder. You helped me be kind to myself. You helped me be who I am now. I don’t hate you at all. I really don’t.
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